Engaged couples
What bridal magazines don’t say
Each time we thumb through any of the popular bridal magazines and read the articles and note the various ads, photos, and other information offered, we are left feeling unsettled. Dismayed might be a better word for it. The goal of these magazines appears to be a resource guide for couples who want to have the perfect wedding. It’s not a bad notion in itself, other than the fact that “perfect” is not reachable, nor even necessarily, desirable. But, what is a problem is the inordinate amount of emphasis placed upon the wedding plans and the apparent lack of emphasis placed upon the subsequent marriage.
These magazines are designed to make money. They sell things - gowns, rings, dinnerware, travel packages, honeymoon trips. There is a certain stance centered on materialism, sex appeal, and “take-your-breath-away-beauty.”
The difficulty with all of it is context. What gets left out is what exactly is the couple celebrating? No wedding celebration – from the most modest to the extremely elaborate – makes any sense unless it points to the reality of what is happening with the marital union. The wedding and the reception are actually a party to celebrate that “God loves His people,” as expressed through the living and concrete words a man and a woman speak in the wedding vows.
Their bond of love becomes the image and symbol of the covenant that unites God to His people. This is wonderful! It is wonder-filled. It demands to be celebrated. And the need and desire to have a great wedding celebration is fitting, but only from this context.
The marriage covenant illustrates and illuminates Gods love for us. The couple enters this covenant with their own promise, or vow, to three things: to be faithful to each other forever, to be exclusively for one another, and to be open to new life. The couple says, “yes” – to be their word - to all of this while not knowing how it will come out for them. They say “yes” to live out their commitment regardless of whatever circumstance come about in their life. They do so, not solely based upon their own good intentions and abilities, but with God’s grace. This is a radical departure from a contract, whereby both parties know up front what will or won’t take place before hand. The covenant is counter-cultural. And it is profoundly freeing and powerful. Being one’s word provides the couple to create an extraordinary marriage. It allows them to generate a marriage founded on each taking fully responsibility for the success of their union.
Marriage is also a social matter. It has always been an occasion for rejoicing. It is one that brings together families and the community. It is also a sacrament. Marriage is an on-going process of sacrifice, compromise, raising children, of prayer, and of dealing with the enjoyable and the annoying things of a life shared together. For the wise couple, it is challenge that it embraced which promises both personal growth and development. The mature couple takes it on as a spiritual journey, one where God gets revealed over and over through their partner’s love.
There is the old adage, “a wedding is a day, but a marriage is a lifetime. The bridal magazines seem to negate this idea. At least they seem to step over these fundamental principles of Christian marriage.
Perhaps it makes sense to look at the motives of any wedding plans and ask some basic questions, such as, “ Why are we doing whatever we are doing?” “What is the purpose of our large, small, costly, intimate, informal, formal, etc. reception?” “How are we acting as a visible sign of God’s love for all of us?” “Who are we inviting? And why?”
In addition to thoughtful and wise choices concerning the wedding plans, we encourage all couples to place their major efforts on the marriage plans. Perhaps as part of the wedding celebration the couple can state what they choose to for the poor in the coming year. The poor may be a certain amount of money for favorite charity or it may be to visit or care for a frail grandmother. Then, at each anniversary the couple can reflect on the past year and assess how their marriage is presently doing: how have they spent their time, money, talent and efforts? Then, plan how the coming year will be. Decide how will they grow closer in the coming year? And what will they do for this to happen?
Planning is important. The wedding plans can often exhaust any couple. It is a lot of work. And the only reason it is worthwhile work is for the ongoing work of the marriage that needs to continue long after the bills of the reception and gown are paid, and long after the honeymoon photos are placed into an album.
No, the bridal magazines don’t say all this. They are, perhaps, exciting and fun to look at. But they don’t give a clue to the excitement and fun in store for those blessed and courageous enough to invest in this lifelong journey of committed love… this thing called marriage.